August 6, 1999
I've been pondering about the motives for forgiveness. Sometimes we forgive because it's the charitable thing to do. It's a "giving" thing.Sometimes we forgive because it's the alternative of taking, the "one-up" response to the other person's meanness. This may seem a selfish motive, and it may not give you an honest feeling of forgiveness inside, and when forgiveness "I'm sorry," "that's okay" is limited to words instead of the true gift of giving for forgiveness sake, then we're left with that empty feeling that keeps coming back to haunt.
Sometimes we forgive because of guilt. We forgive because we're told we need to. Because God forgives. Because we pray, "Forgive my trespasses as I forgive those who trespass against me" oops! Then we have more guilt because we realize that we're putting conditions on all of this and can't measure up. And once again we have this hopeless, empty feeling that keeps coming back to haunt.
Sometimes I forgive because it helps me. When I forgive myself or others and let go, I feel a sense of relief, the type of relief I feel when I exhale a big sigh and feel my muscles relax. It's a giving up of tension a loosing of slack on the tight muscles in my heart. In fact, there is an actual physical relaxation of the body when we "give" through forgiveness. You'll know it when you feel it.
Actually, it may seem the most selfish reason to forgive because it helps me, rather than to forgive because it's the charitable thing to do. But because we are selfish creatures, it's perhaps the most effective motive. It works for me.
Interesting point about the heart. We relate this organ to love, and it's the life-pulse of our body's blood. Ponder about that for a moment. It may shed a new light on the relationship of forgiveness...because love and life, and forgiveness are gifts of God. Blood is the symbol of sacrifice because it's the medium of life and what keeps us living and alive. Our pulse responds to our emotions and our response to whether we are uptight or able to relax.
Hope I'm not getting too deep here. I started this reply to your message with the thoughts of "how to forgive" and I moved from the "motive" of initiating forgiveness through the checks and balances of the heart as perhaps an "indicator" of whether or not we can know within ourself whether or not we feel forgiving.
Hope this helps.
I write these "Reflections" as they come to me, oftentimes as I'm writing an email to someone, I get an inspired message, a "reflection" of my philosophy. This one was written to my email forum, "forgiveness". To subscribe, visit this website forgiveness@onelist.com
Read more Reflections
Back to my home page